Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Wednesday's Woe - War Between the States: When Words’ Effect Berates…






Wednesday's Woe

War Between the States:

When Words’ Effect Berates…


The Importance of Not Comparing a
Death of Order (such as Child Losing a Mother), 
complicated though that may be, with a 
Death Out of Order (Mother Losing a Child)








War Between the States


Your state: Denial— 
My state: Under Fire
For still loving my dead child.


Clueless to my pain,
Doing what you do—
I cannot be around you.


Simply loving you—
I reach out to care,
But you stab me with a spear!


Blind to Child-Loss pain:
My heart you disdain—
(Its vulner’bility scares…)


Then words start to fly:
War declared ‘tween you and me
Slaughtering my heart…


Love must rear its head:
Declare— Our fellowship, “Dead!”
Camellias blooming blood red…





Moral of Story:
(No more words impart
To further grieve th’ mother’s heart!!!)


Interesting Note, the Japanese word for Red Camellia, Tsubaki, or 椿, has the meaning, 

In Love, Perishing with grace”! 

So Apropos!





~~~



Having just read the book _life after the death of my son: what i’m learning_ written by grieving father Dennis Apple, I was inspired to turn again to poetry, using both sides of my brain to try to capture the essence of what just had transpired between me and a family-of-origin member whose words were extremely hurtful to me.* 

Dennis Apple, on page 163 of his book, so aptly says the following words in regard to writing a haiku about some of our Death-of-Child experience: {Uncannily, it also describes the essence of my attempted conversation with the family member who was pushing me to move on, and stay away from (what he deemed as) “unnecessary” pain, and “unbeneficial” pain.)

“There are many who would think this exercise morbid. If you feel it would be helpful to you, do not let their feelings about it discourage you.”

Amen, brother. Amen!







Regarding the writing of the above haiku, I make the following notes to some of the exceptions taken to the typical haiku poem originated by the Japanese:

*Inspired by Dennis and Buelah Apple, I am using the “Haiku” style poem, although I am varying lines of 5- and 7-syllables in an attempt to describe some aspects of my grief (leaving out as Dennis and his wife often did, the usual haiku ingredient of using a seasonal word in at least one of the triplet lines (although I did use a seasonal phrase in my final triplet), as well as my own choosing to leave out the traditional format of the 7-syllable line being the middle line of the triplets. I also use some rhyming which a typical haiku rarely does).

Camellia notations and picture from

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanakotoba

(found at https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanakotoba )


Saturday, August 8, 2015

Happy Birthday in Heaven, Sweet Sister of the Heart









Happy Birthday in Heaven,

Sweet Sister of the Heart







In Memory of


Ethel Kowal

and 

her daughter,

Carissa






My dearest Ethel, 

I have been away from Facebook  for quite awhile so when I came to your site today to wish you a happy birthday, I was stunned and so deeply saddened to see that you, my dear sister of the heart, are no longer with us on this earth. What a huge loss to all of us who knew you! You were such a faithful friend to "hold my hand" over these years as we shared the deep pain over the loss of our precious 19-year-old daughters. You always seemed to have just the right words to say to ease my broken heart. Thank you for your kindness and love.  And just as we "virtually" shared a friendship across the continent when you were here, thanks to our Lord, I trust our friendship continues on even now ~ across the heavens...

Tommy and I are praying for your precious Dennis and Tara left on this earth; I know they love and miss you so very much. We will all miss your tender love Ethel, but we rejoice to know we will someday join that "great cloud of witnesses" and be reunited with one another in the eternal peace of His love. 

Happy Birthday dear sister of the heart. Know that we love and miss you so. Today, in your memory, and in thankfulness for yours and Carissa's eternal salvation, I play for you what you shared with me as being one of Carissa's favorite songs, "Mighty to Save" by Hillsong (this also was a favorite of my Merry Katherine's!). ~Sweet blessings to you~

Enjoy holding your precious baby girl (((Carissa))) close to your heart today on your birthday in Heaven dear (((Ethel))) as you both bask in the love and sweet peace of our Heavenly Father... 

I remember your once writing to me, as you were longing for your Carissa,

"Oh to hear that sweet voice again and see that charismatic smile!"

~ What a blessing to know dear Ethel, thanks to the love and grace of our Lord, that now you surely can! 











Mighty to Save


~Hillsong




Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me...

Everyone needs forgiveness,
The kindness of a Savior,
The hope of nations...

[Chorus:]
Savior ~ He can move the mountains;
My God is mighty to save!
He is mighty to save!
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave!
Jesus conquered the grave!


(music interlude)

So take me as you find me
All my fears and failures...
Fill my life again


I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in,
Now I surrender
(I surrender)

    Savior ~ He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave;
Jesus conquered the grave!

Savior ~ He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave;
Jesus conquered the grave!




Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King ~ Jesus!

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King ~ Jesus!



Savior ~ He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave;
Jesus conquered the grave!

Savior ~ He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever Author of salvation,
He rose and conquered the grave;
Jesus conquered the grave!




Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King ~ Jesus!

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King ~ Jesus!

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King ~ Jesus!

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King ~ Jesus!

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King ~ Jesus!

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King!









Happy Birthday in Heaven picture, thanks to google.com

Picture of Ethel and Carissa, thanks to another precious sister of the heart, Melody Robinson-Hill


Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Tuesday's Trust ~ Amidst our Raging Storm...






Tuesday's Trust

Amidst our Raging Storm...














"Let (us) praise Him with dancing and make music to Him..."

~Psalm 149:3


















O Lord, You’re such a tender God, attending our deepest needs, hearing our heartfelt cries, lifting our spirits from the miry muck, even as continuously, but gently, You ever are mending our broken hearts and lives.

As You nurture us in our tumultuous vulnerability, You call us to the dance, enabling us to praise You. 


Help us to remember even Your very faithful Daniel was not spared the lion’s den, but You were there with him, silencing the ravenous roars with Your healing presence… 


By the faith You have given us, may we entrust ourselves to You, “knowing” in our heart of hearts, You stand with us as well…







Let (us) praise Your name with dancing 

and make music to You...

even, and especially, 

Amidst our Raging Storm. 


essence of Psalm 149:3a-b NIV













NIV ~ New International Version of The Holy Bible



A special thanks to the following for the graphics from Pinterest...


Graphic 1:


Friday, March 20, 2015

Friday's Faith - Hope Amidst Groaning




May Your unfailing Love rest on us, O LORD,
even as we put our Hope In You.

~Psalm 33:22 NIV



Friday's Faith

Hope Amidst Groaning





Hope? Amidst Groaning? How do these two concepts fit together at all? 

How can we "hope" and yet "groan"?

Who of us Child-Loss Grievers "hope" to see our child again, nevertheless we "groan" all the while? I would hazard to guess, 100% of us! 

Hopeful Groaning feels like an oxymoron doesn't it? 
How can the two fit together? Shouldn't we be "hopeful" and "joyful" at the same time? That certainly seems to be the American way! 

And yet, we must admit, our hearts are still broken... even as we hope! Is there any hope for such a grieving parent?

How merciful God is to us to have had the apostle Paul explain how these two concepts do fit together in God's own Holy Word! Read on and see what you think...


Paul says in Romans 8 (yes, the same chapter that concludes by reminding us that absolutely nothing can separate us from the Love of God!) that everybody, and everything, in fact the "whole creation," groans inwardly until we see God's full redemption of our bodies...

Read this passage of Scripture, ponder it, question it, compare it to your situation, and let me know what you think...




Romans 8:18-27, New International Version:


I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 

Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. 

But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.


In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray, but 

the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express

And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.





What about you? Do you struggle with the continual sorrowful groaning over your child who is no longer here, even as you hold onto your hope for seeing your child again in Heaven?






Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Tuesday's Trust - "I Am Come to Heal..."








Tuesday's Trust

"I Am Come to Heal..."







The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He hath anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised...

~Jesus



~Luke 4:18 KJV


~~~


O Lord, quicken our broken hearts to rest in Thee, for You alone heal us ever so gently throughout our lifetime on earth, yet culminate our healing fully when You wipe all our tears away, forever! 

Thank You for Your faithful, tender, healing love poured out on us daily... 

Truly, we need Thee every hour!


~~~

2And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband.3And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying,  
"Behold, the tabernacle of God is among men, and He will dwell among them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself will be among them, 4and He will wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there will no longer be any death; there will no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away." 

~Revelation 21:2-4 NASB







Some capitalizations of Scripture, mine

KJV = King James Version

NASB = New American Standard Bible


Monday, January 26, 2015

Monday's Mourning Ministry - I Can't Turn You Loose ~Otis Redding (with revised Lyrics for Grieving Parents)






Monday's Mourning Ministry

I Can't Turn You Loose

~Otis Redding

(with revised lyrics for 
grieving parents)









I Can't Turn You Loose

~Otis Redding

(with Lyrics revised for a Grieving Parent)



I can't turn you a loose now
If I do, I'm gonna lose my mind
Honey, I can't never turn you a loose now
If I do, I'm gonna lose my mind
I can't turn you a loose for nobody
'Cause I love you baby, yes I do now
I'm a cry in', shaking mama (papa), I told ya
Honey, baby girl, I love you
Gotta baby, I gotta do it baby, why don't I~ 
I'm gonna give you all the love that you want

I gotta, gotta, gotta
Keep on a, a cryin' baby
Never, never gonna turn you loose
Keep on a, keep on a holding on
Gotta gotta

I can't turn you a loose now
Our love was the sweetest, sweetest thing, ooo
I'll never, never turn you a loose
Because of the sweetest love you bring me
I said I can't turn you a loose for nobody baby
I love you baby, yes I do!
Baby, I'm a cryin', shaking mama (papa), I love ya
I'm always gonna love you!
Honest baby I'm gonna do it baby why don't I
I'm gonna give ya all the love that you want

Gotta, gotta, gotta
Keep, keep on holding on
Never gonna turn you loose now
Never gonna lose you baby
I, I got to…

I can't turn you a loose
Never, I'm never gonna turn you a loose
I'm gonna keep holding on, can't turn you a loose
Gonna keep a grip on you
I can't turn you loose

Early in the morning
And I love to hold ya
I can't turn you loose
Never gonna turn ya (loose)
Gotta keep on holding
Hold on to me baby
Gotta, gotta, gotta








Grief Video found at

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xEvsJtrl60

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Sunday's Sorrow - The Weeping of a Child-Loss Soul







Sunday's Sorrow

The Weeping of a Child-Loss Soul










Does lead transmute to gold? 
With God's help, can this grieving heart be made whole?


When my child died,
I was left with a broken heart
How could I abide
Such heinous news
That from this earthly life, she forever would depart?
It defies all this mother stands for, and all my heart imbues.


The hail of death fell
Upon my body, heart, soul, and spirit
No comfort could quell
This mother's broken spirit.


My heart split into a million pieces
As from this mother's hell
I'd never be granted any releases;
Over the months and years, deeper into despair's pit I fell...


Even the Bible had laid out 
what I had in store:

This is what the LORD says,

"A voice is heard in Ramah, 
mourning and great weeping, 
Rachel weeping for her children 
and refusing to be comforted, 
because they are no more."


Into a megaphone, to me, Death's demons would roar, 
"Where was your God in Heaven
when hell's wrath upon your child did pour?"


My God whose heart toward me ever had been full of love
Seemed to have abandoned His throne from His own Heaven above
For the God of love I knew,
From death, my child, surely would rescue!


It seemed every promise in His word I had ever read
Would surely not have left my helpless child dead!


Now my soul was hurling into an ever sure demise
As I would feel no release coming from Heaven's skies.
I remembered God's whole earth had been struck dark
When His own Son from it's torturous shores would depart.


How ever would I find any relief this side of Heaven
As for this mother's grief there seemed to be no relieving leaven? 


How did my Heavenly Father from Death's destruction recover
As He watched through earth's darkness as His own Child's breath was smothered?

Why did He not destroy all of His created earth
At such infamous culmination of His own Holy Child's birth?


Despite His untold agony as He looked down from Glory
Surely our God survived by knowing the Rest of the Story...
That His Own Son would leave earth's shores to rejoin with Him in Glory…!


Perhaps therein I'll find the Grace I daily ever will need
To begin to quell this broken heart from its constant grievous bleed… 


Surely when the Golden Grace of God imparts into a shattered human heart
There is a glorious transmutation that occurs to quicken His own Life into my broken heart
To help a mother on this earth her own child's death to survive…


Even as man transmutes gold from lead,
Our God quickens my child's life so that her Spirit now survives 
Even though she too, like God's own Son, once was deemed dead,
Through God's Glorious Grace, she now  has been made Alive!



By God's Grace, while still on this earth, this mother's broken heart survives…
And I too someday will live again and see that my child thrives!







God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

~Psalm 147:3




Poem - The Weeping of a Child-Loss Soul - Angie Bennett Prince - January 4, 2015




Scripture quoted in poem:

New International Version
"A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more."

~Matthew 2:18 NIV

New International Version
This is what the LORD says: "A voice is heard in Ramah, mourning and great weeping, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more."

~Jeremiah 31:15 NIV





1st Graphic:

~Artwork by Mark Lawrence based on Psalm 147:3:
http://www.framedcanvasart.com/product/brokenhearted-psalm-14732.html 

Also found at bing.com:

 http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=psalm+147%3A3+graphics&go=Submit&qs=bs&form=QBIR#view=detail&id=33967045EC5D1C99F71A1D64D8F602D4A906912D&selectedIndex=64



2nd Graphic:

Artwork by Karen Holland based on Psalm 147:3


He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds curing their pains and their sorrows. Psalm 147:3

Found on




Thursday, January 1, 2015

~Blessed New Year 2015~ Being Held...





Sweet thoughts found on Facebook tonight when I am feeling speechless...







On Joy and Sorrow

~Kahlil Gibran



Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain...

Some of you say, "Joy is greater thar sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is there too, simply asleep upon your bed...

They are both sacred, sorrow and joy.




~~~








~~~







~~~






Merry Katherine (age 18) and me,
Thanksgiving 2005
I would have her with me
less than 1 more year...



Thanks to our Lord,
some sweet Day,
I will hold her in my arms again!





Meanwhile...










~May you have a very Blessed New Year~

May our Lord hold you 
in the shadow of His wings...








1st, 2nd, & 3rd graphic ~ thanks to
https://www.facebook.com/drjoannec

Picture ~ mine

4th graphic, thanks to
Psalm 36:7


5th graphic, thanks to
He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge.. Psalm 91:4



Thursday, December 25, 2014

Blessed Christmas! Spending Christmas without Merry...






Blessed Christmas!

Spending Christmas without Merry








There are no halls decked with holly
There are no people looking jolly…

There is no door bedecked with a wreath
Just two people swamped with grief…

There are no packages under a tree
And there's no tree, just you and me…

Life is not a bowl, and it has no cherry
Since we lost our child, our darling Merry…

There are Christmas cards from a few friends
Though you find friends are few when your child's life ends…

We do order movies, but they are all about grief,
For shedding our tears does bring us some relief…

There is no shopping, for we find we need no presents;
We just need mourning time as we long for our Merry's presence…

There is no church we can attend,
For, filled with Child-Loss Grief, we find there's no room in the Inn…


But, we do find our Savior hovering near
He brings us grace and even lends His sweet cheer…

For you see, tastes all change when your child dies;
All we need is comfort, and our Lord to wipe our eyes...

He surrounds us with constant reminders of His love
In His scriptures for the brokenhearted filled with Comfort from Above…

He reminds us there's sweetness in our grief with echoes from Above
Because when each tear falls, it's all about the child we both so deeply love…

And somehow He lets us know He understands
For the Son of God was also the Son of man…

For our Lord who was born on that first Christmas night
Was surrounded from day one with Death's horrendous blight…

He too was wounded and acquainted with grief
He knew the feelings of despair that brought Him no relief...

His Father, too, knows our pain from the very bottom of His heart
Because He too lost His precious Child, and the whole world turned dark…

The Holy Spirit comes and joins us in our pain;
He recognizes our grief in each wordless groan He makes…

So somehow, as this Christmas day draws near
Though our hearts are torn without our Merry here,
Our hearts are comforted as God: the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit
So tenderly draw near…

Merry, precious Merry, how we miss you our sweet child
Though seasons come and seasons go,
Whether spring winds, summer rains, fall chills, or winter snow,
Our Lord understands that without you our darling child,
Our spirits, this side of Heaven, will be forever riled…

So my bereaved friends, amidst your grief and pain,
May you remember that our God and Savior do truly understand...


With our Lord's sweetest blessings,

 Merry Christmas to all 
and
a God-Blessed and -Comforted New Year!







Poem - Spending Christmas without Merry ~Angie Bennett Prince - December 18, 2014







Top picture, thanks to




Bottom picture, thanks to